And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
