Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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