He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
