I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
