My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
