Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
