My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Holy shit dude........stairs
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
