Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
