I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
