Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
