id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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