Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
