EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
