I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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