My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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