he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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