I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I would ride that face into the sunset
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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