ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
