my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
