I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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