Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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