Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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