Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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