nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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