i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
