so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
