I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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