I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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