please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
