watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
