Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
