You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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