Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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