it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
