Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
