Ambien. No doubt about it.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
