Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
