While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
