Your mouth is God's brothel.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
