Ambien. No doubt about it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
