Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
