i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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