This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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