She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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