My hand turned me down
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
