At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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