Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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