Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
