I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
