yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
